well now Im 43.....

Updated. I enjoy Tumblr more.

Room to breathe

I've had a bit of time to distance myself, but I still have trouble finding the complete separation.

I have begun to breathe again, to let go. I have found that I need to change the way I interact with
people, I need to make that separation - I need to reference other's duties. Hopefully they will pick it up.

- Today I had 145 miles of beautiful motorcycle adventuring....amazing, peaceful, contentment.

so here I am.

I have ended.

I have begun.

I have now changed my life. I am a strong personality. I lead. Nothing more than that. I am a leader. I have always taken command. I have chosen to lead others.

It is hard, difficult, experimental for me to willingly give away leadership; to be lead.

I trust that my mind will continue to progress...to lead. A true leader cannot be held back. Through the cream they will succeed.

I have given up time.

I will take back the beauty that was once mine. I will take back the moments that my artist's mind hold dear. There are moments we wish to capture. Everyday we seek a lapse in our life in which to reset our mind.

This is the moment...

The start of something new.

So I resigned.

No I won't be stupid enough to publish why I posted, the person that caused it. But it boils down to a lack of character - on there part. I am a loyal individual, maybe its the Scorpio in me. But I am very loyal to those that can stand behind their words in a tough situation. Too many people cave in, they know their decision is the correct one. They know that there is no other option, the other option is incorrect, immoral, unethical.

When you cave in, when you give up on the "correct" for the sake of platitude....you have no honor.

I gave my last speech, my last inspiration - my last guidance and I am damn good at it.

I am a realist. I define the situation. I get caught up in the "what if" I am the clarifier. I am the person who will let you know if
something smells like fish.

I fought in that futile attempt to change things much, much, much, much larger than I.

I came to a realization.

A man who walks against a river will eventually drown.
A man who floats with the river will discover lands unseen.

Its really not about giving up. I put nearly 7 years of my life in this direction.

So I sidestep. I sidestep this crap.

Its almost a joke, but I have learned SO MUCH from my Kendo. There is a difference in dying and living. Kendo emulates a swordfight. Its movement come from thousands of years of practical battle with three foot razor blades.

Between life and death there is only about an inch.

Stand here die. Sidestep one inch....strike, live.

So I sidestep seeing the sword coming at me -

Thanksgiving

So here we are giving thanks again.

I give thanks for my father who has been a ever glowing beacon of light in my life. He has continued to show me that a person with vision, passion and determination cannot be stopped. He traveled to Europe when he was 17, straight out of the middle of Kansas in 1950...we went on to escort JFK when he arrived on his trip to Italy. (picture to prove it). Imagine...growing up a Kansas farm kid and then POOF-- into Italy for a 4 year college/theology experience. I would equate that to a alien world. One that continues to elude many of us. How many of us actually take the risk to upheave ourselves at 17 and transplant ourselves into a world we have never seen.

My wife, my lover. I first saw her when I turned the corner in college. I looked down the hallway...and way, way down there...long, long blond hair against a black leather trench coat......GAWWWWWWW...are you kidding me... I thought I need to make a move, one that isn't chessy pick up line, she was a freshman, I've never seen HER before. Trust me, long hair...I woudl remember her.... I have to say something but she HAS to remember who I am....as I tracked her down...in my lust. I caught up to her, tapped her on the shoulder and said....

"Im going to steal your trenchcoat".... then I walked away.

Ya...she will remember me.

15 years later....we share two lovely children, a happy life and devotion of love.

My children, how thankful can one person become? I cannot imagine life without my two daughters, they are literally 1/2 of me....people say children change you and its true they do. Something changes when you see your eyes or your smile in their face. My daughters have lightened my heart and eased the burden in my life. Children are magic. Pure and simple they are the continuation of life and the progression of humanity.

Mostly I am thankful for the experience of life.

Not many souls get the chance to experience life, and to wonder about the 10 dimensions of the universe is truly amazing.

Contrast

I had the opportunity to participate in a Gogo Geiko (open practice) with another Dojo. There were a lot of people from various states and various dojos. Fighting people you have never met really puts a new spin on your Kendo. Brian has said many times that you learn alot about your Kendo from other people...and you learn the most from those you have never met. The more I practice Kendo the more I can see this is true.

We fight the same people over and over in the same dojo; with that we find ourselves knowing each others moves, speed and we can predict what they are going to do next. When you fight someone you have never met-- it truly is a test of your Kendo.

You both start from zero, not knowing anything about their Kendo, their speed and what they have planned. In the Godo Geiko yesterday I noticed that the school that was hosting had a bad habit, they stepped in but did not launch once they were in striking range this has left them open to a lot of attacks, if they don't strike, they have to stop their body movement. Once it stops they have lost their ability to move quickly as their center of gravity has changed.

I had the opportunity to fight 3 matches and won two of three. The third match as squeezed in before we had to leave, so it wasn't the best match I had. But my opponent surely won--two men strikes. Fun match. The practice and matches showed me that our school has a raised passion, a lot of spirit. We fight with quicker moves relying on our kamae more, keep our center and strike.

Seeing the contrast of styles, the methods and behaviors they display in their Kendo compared to our dojo, I really get a sense that I am learning higher level techniques at a much faster rate than people within the same bracket. Not to brag...but our Sensei Rocks. He has trained a two-time world champion. In moments like the Godo Geiko, I often see how fortunate I am to have such a wonderful teacher and instruction.

All United States Kendo Federation Kendo Championships 2008

wow, Unless you determine to blog everyday of your life...time passes.
Well its july.

June didn't exist.

July brought some great things. I participated in my first Kendo Championship.

It was a teaching experience. Kendo brings many things to light.

During my first match in the Championships I remember thinking to myself...
"oh god this kid is quick"...but then my training kicked in and the two of the diseases of Kendo arrived in my brain.
Doubt and Fear. ?Could this kid really beat me?!....Then he rushed in in and he kiai'd at me.....

at that moment I realized he was just a little 18 year old...I was massive..36...230lbs... damn it...there is no way this kid is going to beat me...his kiai is weak, it gave him away, I held my center...scored a point. He did not defeat me.

(typing with a baby in one hand, is difficult to say the least. It really makes you think where the keys are on the keyboard.

ps...baby/kid laughs make the world go round .. so keep tickling!